An act of queer defiance.

I quite like the queer moment that sometimes happen when I have to show my new ID, even when I don’t really pass as a guy. The name on my ID is coded male, but if you look closely you can see that it is also marked with “female”, and the picture is very androgynous. I like to think that every time I show it, it is both an every day ritual but also an act of defiance right in the face of the cis-gender norm. Possibly or hopefully, it is also an educational moment for whoever asks to see it, if they notice anything out of the ordinary and the importance of it.

Okay, I admit that sometimes I don’t really care. But at other times, it feels very important. Like today. I love having my REAL name, MY OWN name on a package that is delivered to me. I’m so proud that I can go and get my medication without explaining anything. And I laugh every time at Systembolaget, when I seem to pass as an under-aged male and get very suspicious looks before I speak up and show my ID.

I hated to have to go and make a new ID. I got angry when I thought about it. I had the most irrational (or maybe not?) angst before the task. I detest to be photographed by the authority, I loathe the signing of important papers while receiving questioning looks by bored policemen and all that. IMAG3362But it sure provides less friction in my every day life, to have an ID with the right names on. I consider it a privilege sadly not granted to all transgenderd people out there. It was not much more fuss for me to make one than for anyone else and I’m glad I did it, at last.

/ Emil

And here is a picture of me and my dog, for no other reason than that I’ve got a pretty dawg!



A step in the right direction.

Finally got to renew my ID since I changed my name years ago. It feels a bit strange to only have it slightly better – it is till gendered wrong with “K/F” for female. I’ll have renew it again after I’ve changed my juridical gender, but that will probably take another year or two.


Looks like the asymmetric haircut have staid with me when everything else have changed.

The picture to the left was taken when I had just started my education to become a speech and language pathologist in early spring 2010. The new one was taken just the other day, almost five years later. I know that my appearance will change even more after I’ve started hormone treatment, but at the least the names are right now and the picture is more accurate.

From now on I don’t have to carry around that extra piece of paper, the certificate I had that verified my change of name to complement my old ID. And hopefully, I will not feel totally humiliated every time I have to show the new one.

/ E.